drunk or old?

After an evening at the bar, your Facebook updates seem especially inscrutable. Am I drunk? Or am I old?

Exhibit A: The Mysterious Acronym

Best guess: Anorexic jellyfish dread eating. Caroline's sort of a bitch.

Exhibit B: Riddle of the Sphinx

These Underpants Gnomes sound like a gas. What are they up to? ENHANCE.

Best guess: The stick people aren't wearing underpants. Perhaps the gnomes will give them some if they're feeling benevolent. 

Exhibit C: The Cryptic Non-Word

Best guess: Prunt = prudish cunt. Ironic tautology? Or autocorrect? 

Exhibit D: Art Attack

The artist is working in petals and...lotion? ENHANCE.

Best guess: The artist is stoned. And well moisturized.